I’ve officially watched every player’s YouTube film extensively enough to make a mock draft. It’s no secret I’ve been out of the loop on college football in recent years. I did actually enjoy watching the LSU’s and Bama’s and Ohio State’s of the world last season but it’s the teams that aren’t FULL of NFL talent that can be boring to me and I can’t stand low quality Quarterback play. That said, there are a bunch of guys from teams I didn’t watch a whole lot of last year who I LOVE in this draft.

Everything you’ve heard about this being a loaded draft all around, I agree. Everything you’ve heard about it being a deep receiver class, I agree. There’s legit eight guys who I think should be real contributors at the next level. Also, offensive line film surprisingly is kind of fun to watch for the right guys.

I’ve watched enough NFL football, that I’m always saying, “That guys reminds me of so and so.” The player comparison part was fun, feel free to let me know who certain guys remind you of, or the type of player they’ll become. One last thought. Why do college players still wear such big shoulder pads?Nevermind that, let’s get into it!

1.Cincinnati Bengals – Joe Burrow QB LSU: A lot of noise was being made about Burrow not wanting to be a Bengal or that the Bengals should pick Chase Young because he’s a better value or trading out of the pick or whatever. People always have to get to cute. This is an easy decision that will happen. The Bengals select the Quarterback who had one of the most flawless seasons in college football history. Reminds me of: Jared Goff with Andrew Luck/Baker Mayfield level athleticism.

2.Washington Redskins – Chase Young EDGE Ohio State: A big theme I keep hearing is that when the Redskins take Young, (I’m pretty confident this is happening) they’ll really have an identity with their strong defensive line. I don’t know if that’s true but this is a front office that has a lot of holes to fill so why not start with a proven edge rusher with great size and explosiveness? Seriously, why did Washington trade Quinton Dunbar to Seattle for nothing? Reminds me of: Myles Garrett

3.Detroit Lions – Jeff Okudah CB Ohio State: Remember after the Clemson game when Young and Okudah and these Ohio State guys all made statements saying they were strongly considering returning to school? Man, that seems like a lifetime ago now. Think Detroit could trade back here and still get Okudah due to QB needy teams but I’m not mocking any trades. Okudah is a long corner with an attackers mentality. Plays like a great physical safety with high level coverage skills. Only question is, why did the Lions trade their best corner just to draft another? Cap room? The Lions could mess anything up. Reminds me of: Marshon Lattimore

4.New York Giants – Tristan Wirfs OT Iowa: So the Giants have the opportunity to take the best Tackle available. I kind of think they need anybody on defense more than O linemen but everybody seems to think Tackle. Thats fine, they go with Wirfs. I think Wirfs is fine and Dave Gettleman always baffles me with his keen ability to acquire players who I think are just okay or worse. Wirfs played at a high level at Iowa and has the size and strength to play left tackle in the NFL, I’m just skeptical about guys whose main selling point is run blocking in a run heavy college offense. That said, Iowa has produced a ton of great NFL linemen. They’re gonna have to pass pro much more over a 16 game (soon to be 17 game smh) season. Reminds me of: Eric Fisher

5.Miami Dolphins – Tua Tagovailoa QB Alabama: There is going to be some sort of trade that involves either the Dolphins or the Chargers. I feel pretty good about that, but for now after long thought, I’m sticking with Tua to the Dolphins. This is the player GM Stephen Ross made statements literally 18 months ago that he loved, and I’m still convinced the Dolphins ending their tank late last season had something to do with the rise of Joe Burrow and Tua’s injury dropping his stock some. I’ve read there is a divide among Dolphins front office members between Tua and Herbert, so the tie goes to the healthier player. Don’t let the smoke screens fool you. The failed physical means nothing. He played totally normal in his virtual pro day. Tua is a much better Quarterback than Herbert, and I think he’ll be awesome at the NFL level. Reminds me of: Drew Brees

6.Los Angeles Chargers – Justin Herbert QB Oregon: I think it’s become pretty clear the Chargers like Tua, and will probably have to trade up in order to get him. Problem is Miami’s draft capital might be too much for the Chargers to overcome for whatever team is on the other end of the trade. (WSH, DET, NYG) Though I think the Chargers still go QB. They’re not heading into a new stadium with no fans in their home city and Tyrod as their QB. It’s just not happening. Dream scenario is the Dolphins mess this up and pass on Tua. In this case the Chargers go with Herbert, a guy they think they can develop with their strong roster and coaching staff. I loved Herbert as a junior and thought he should’ve come out. Sure enough, he stayed for senior year college glory (yawn) and displayed some more of the deficiencies that weren’t as prevalent early in his career. I watched him a ton and sometimes I thought: His arm is great and he’s super athletic, sure thing in the NFL. Then three plays later he’ll make a Mitch Trubisky type mistake where you’re left saying, “What the hell was he thinking there?” Reminds me of: pre-Titans Ryan Tannehill

7.Carolina Panthers – Isaiah Simmons LB Clemson: The Panthers need just about everything on defense so they’ll likely go with the best player on their board. Isaiah Simmons could be great, but he’s a player that everyone loves and I’m not quite as high on. He’s really good when I watch him, and I think if they figure out he should primarily be used as a 3-4 ILB/4-3 OLB in the NFL he will excel. I just don’t see the best Linebacker in the world on tape and I tend to be wary of “hybrid Linebacker/Safety guys.” Reminds me of: Shaq Thompson

8.Arizona Cardinals – Jedrick Wills OT Alabama: Two years ago we watched the Cardinals select Josh Rosen. Wow, this front office has since corrected that mistake. They haven’t won many games since, but I sure love what the Cardinals have done. I think Derrick Brown to Arizona is my dream fit of the draft, but then I thought, Kliff Kingsbury is gonna go offense. Which is fine, it’s an offensive league! They could use a premier left tackle. I love Jedrick Wills almost as much as I love Brown. Some teams will take issue to the fact he played right tackle in college (because Tua is a left-handed) but in my opinion, he’s the most NFL ready tackle. I watched his tape against LSU and Michigan and he made almost zero mistakes and has great pass blocking instincts. Even if he’s a day one right tackle, that’s a huge win for Arizona. Reminds me of: Ryan Ramczyk

9.Jacksonville Jaguars – Derrick Brown DT Auburn: The Jags need essentially everything and this regime loves drafting defensive linemen. They end up with their dream scenario like they did last year with Josh Allen, and Derrick Brown is still on the board. He’s my favorite D Lineman in the draft (interior or edge) and will create havoc in the league for years to come. He’s the size of Fletcher Cox with LB/S like explosiveness for tackling in the open field and at the line of scrimmage. Reminds me of: Chris Jones/Fletcher Cox

10.Cleveland Browns – Mehki Becton OT Louisville: The Browns signed Jack Conklin to play right tackle and Becton should plug in as the day one LT. Offensive line was the Browns most glaring weakness last season and forced Baker Mayfield into some bad habits like always rolling to his right. Becton is the type of potential franchise changing offensive lineman that should flourish in the league for a long time. He’s so big and athletic that he’ll fit perfectly as an NFL left tackle. I could see him having some early career struggles because he’s a risk taker (which is weird to say for a Tackle), but Becton is too gifted to struggle in the league. Reminds me of: Jason Peters

11.New York Jets – Ceedee Lamb WR Oklahoma: A lot of people feel strongly about OL to the Jets at 11. I think they end up going WR. I heard a valid point that the Jets are pretty much the only front office to not go out of their way to try to find a true number one WR for their young QB on a rookie contract in recent memory. That ends now. There seems to be no clear consensus on who the top guy is. Lamb is as good a bet as any. I became a little skeptical about Lamb after he only ran 4.50 at the combine but I’ve since remembered how much of an awesome player he was to watch in college. He made play after play in a high powered offense and is extremely dangerous after the catch. Oklahoma offensive players seem to always be a safe bet. Reminds me of: taller Golden Tate

12.Las Vegas Raiders – Jerry Jeudy WR Alabama: Jeudy was my favorite player in the draft since last season and he hasn’t fallen off my radar much since. He’s extremely versatile, fast and runs such precision routes that he will fit in any offense — including the Raiders short passing attack. He offers the Raiders a true number one guy should produce at a high level for years to come. Watching Jeudy with Tua was a thing of beauty. Reminds me of: Odell Beckham/Robert Woods

13.San Francisco 49ers – Henry Ruggs III WR Alabama: Ruggs is another player that really stood out to me on film less season. He saw a lesser volume of targets in the Bama offense but that offense was loaded with weapons (and Ruggs was one of them). Much has been made of his elite foot speed — and he’s fast, but I don’t think he’ll be quite the Tyreek Hill type player many are projecting him to be. Ruggs is strong bodied and has great instincts after the catch. The Niners could go defense here after trading DeForest Buckner to acquire this pick, but I think after losing Emmanuel Sanders in free agency, Ruggs will be too hard to pass on. Reminds me of: TY Hilton

14.Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Andrew Thomas OT Georgia: Thomas is seen by some to be the safest, most NFL ready tackle, and thus he could vault into the top 10. To me he looks like the fourth best guy. He doesn’t look bad at all, but another really run heavy offense at Georgia. Seriously, it’s hard to find a ton of clips of him pass blocking on YouTube. Thomas should be a league average or better starting tackle for the Bucs in short order. That should help protect Tom Brady who obviously gets the ball out extremely quickly. Wild card idea here: Could the Bucs surprise everyone and take the first RB off the board and shift to a little more running next season as to not make Brady throw the ball 45-50 times a game like they did with Jameis? Probably not, but in my eyes it’s a scenario to look out for. Reminds me of: Russell Okung

15.Denver Broncos – CJ Henderson CB Florida: The Broncos are rumored to be in the market for a top WR, but I think since there is such little clarity on where those top 3 guys land that the Broncos will let the draft play our rather than trading up. With those guys gone the Broncos shift their attention to corner. CJ Henderson could complement AJ Bouye on the outside with the hopes that Bryce Callahan returns to health this season to play in the slot and form what would be a strong secondary on paper. Drew Lock needs weapons, but I think they wait til the second round. Henderson is a long, sticky corner with strong ball skills and should develop into a high level player. Reminds me of: Joe Haden

16.Atlanta Falcons – AJ Terrell CB Clemson: Where do you go if you’re the Falcons and you have all kinds of needs on defense? This is a team who has stuck with Dan Quinn and Thomas Dimitroff and seen a lot of success that’s tailed off in recent years. They saved their jobs late last season. I originally had K’Lavon Chaisson here but then I thought, do they really want to draft a raw pass rusher when they’re playing for their jobs in 2020? Instead they take Terrell, a more NFL ready player with good coverage skills who invites the physical side of the game. Terrell’s stock dropped after a poor performance in the title game vs. LSU but with the early success he saw in college, he should translate well to the next level and I see this being a perfect fit in Atlanta. Reminds me of: Greedy Williams

17.Dallas Cowboys – Javon Kinlaw DT South Carolina: The Cowboys have a lot of options here, and I thought long and hard about Grant Delpit as their replacement for Byron Jones as their athletic CB/S hybrid. That pick may been seen as a reach, so instead they take what would likely be the best player on their board in Kinlaw. Kinlaw is a huge body who is a bit raw but has the skills to be very disruptive at the next level. Right now Dallas’ DTs are headlined by free agent acquisitions Dontari Poe and Gerald McCoy, who both played for an underperforming Panthers run D in 2019. Kinlaw would be an upgrade. Reminds me of: bigger Grady Jarrett

18.Miami Dolphins – Patrick Queen LB LSU: The Dolphins keep all their first round picks if Tua lasts til number five. They have the opportunity to get a bunch of guys to build into the future with in this draft. Thought about Chaisson here as well but they addressed their much maligned pass rush in free agency with the signings of Shaq Lawson (eh) and Kyle Van Noy (solid). I think they move to Linebacker which is a glaring need and get the best one in the draft. Queen is crazy fast and moves to the ball like some of the best in the game right now. Could be a future cornerstone for the Dolphins defense. Reminds me of: Jaylon Smith/Tremaine Edmunds

19.Las Vegas Raiders – Kenneth Murray LB Oklahoma: The more I hear about Murray’s success in the virtual pre-draft process the higher I think he’s gonna go. I just don’t see an obvious fit, nor do I think he will go before Patrick Queen. Murray flourished in an otherwise bad Oklahoma defense so it’s hard to gauge his success. Linebackers from weak college defenses have worked out before (see Jordan Hicks) and all that’s been said about Murray’s character screams that Gruden and Mayock will love him. If Murray works out, all of the sudden the Raiders have him and Cory Littleton, forming a strong LB core for years to come. Reminds me of: Devon Kennard

20.Jacksonville Jaguars – Trevon Diggs CB Alabama: So this is the first of two picks Jacksonville acquired from the Rams in exchange for Jalen Ramsey. The Jags shipped AJ Bouye out to Denver, and the Darqueze Dennard signing flamed out. They need corners, bad. Diggs would be an awesome fit as he models Ramsey’s size and makes elite plays on the ball. He ran a stellar 4.43 for his size and figures to be the perfect blend of size and speed at the next level. His closing speed really stands out. Reminds me of: Xavien Howard

21.Philadelphia Eagles – Justin Jefferson WR LSU: It’s no secret the Eagles need a WR. I have seen a bunch a mock drafts with the Eagles going LB instead in effort to make fans rip their hair out. Let me clue you into a couple things. The Eagles front office does not care about Linebacker whatsoever (often to their detriment), so I highly doubt they use the first rounder on it. If Jefferson is on the board, the Eagles will take him, but if not I will be okay with another position. Because WR is so deep, they could wait til the second round. Jefferson did nothing but produce last season. He wasn’t supposed to run a fast 40 time, and then he ran a 4.43. Jefferson should have no issues adjusting to the next level. Reminds me of: Sammy Watkins/smaller Kenny Golladay

22.Minnesota Vikings – Jaylon Johnson CB Utah: A lot of corners going here, but hey everyone needs corners. It’s a passing league. There’s been a lot of buzz about Utah CB Jaylon Johnson rising up boards recently. He’s a tall corner with good ball skills but maybe lacks the elite foot speed to be a high level NFL corner. As Minnesota moved on from Trae Waynes, Xavier Rhodes and Mackensie Alexander, it’s time to usher in the new. Johnson has the size to match up with the league’s best. Reminds me of: Trumaine Johsnon

23.New England Patriots – AJ Epenesa EDGE Iowa: The Patriots have a knack for drafting the most uninteresting player on the board so I’ve heard buzz about Jeremy Chinn, the Safety from Southern Illinois, which would be truly hilarious. Instead they go with a strong pass rusher in Epenesa. They have holes to fill there with the losses of Trey Flowers and Kyle Van Noy (and Jamie Collins) so they go with Epenesa, who has the size to move to the inside in run sets, but likely won’t be a sack machine. Life on Stidham corner is getting pretty good for the Patriots current starting QB. I could see them bringing in an Andy Dalton type after they due their due diligence with the draft to make sure none of the top QBs fall and trade up to snag one. Reminds me of: Derek Wolfe

24.New Orleans Saints – K’Lavon Chaisson EDGE LSU: Much has been made about the idea that the Saints don’t have many needs. It’s true. I don’t see a weak position group. Smart teams use their cap space well. In this scenario, the Saints take the best player available. They stack on an already impressive group of pass rushers that includes Cam Jordan and Marcus Davenport. Chaisson is a fast, rangy edge rusher who I see being a consistent performer at the next level given his play style. Reminds me of: Danielle Hunter/Bud Dupree

25.Minnesota Vikings – Tee Higgins WR Clemson: I see few fits more perfect in this draft than Tee Higgins to the Vikings. They traded Stefon Diggs, and they have two first round picks. Many are down on Higgins because his foot speed is not elite and he’s a little slim. Guys almost always bulk up once they get to the NFL. And Higgins consistently made plays on one of the best teams in the country. He makes contested plays better than anyone in this draft and has the tools to be a great NFL Wide Receiver. Reminds me of: DJ Chark

26.Miami Dolphins – Joshua Jones OT Houston: The Dolphins are in dire need of a tackle and if they keep all their picks I expect them to use one on offensive line. Josh Jones would be an awesome fit. The more I watch Jones, the more I like him. He’s a tad undersized for an NFL Left Tackle but I think his athleticism and versatility would make him perfect on the right side (or left with Tua). Surprised Jones isn’t getting a little more buzz. Reminds me of: Terron Armstead lite

27.Seattle Seahawks – Terrell Lewis EDGE Alabama: When was the last time the Seahawks picked someone who was actually supposed to go in their slot? They pick late in the first round every year and pick some guy they could’ve got 32 slots later. That’s not to say Terrell Lewis isn’t a good player but it would be a bit of a surprise. They desperately need edge rushers as it looks like JaDeveon Clowney is officially out the door, so expect them to draft several over the weekend. They’ll start with Lewis, who reminds me of another fellow they surprisingly picked a few years back… Reminds me of: Bruce Irvin

28.Baltimore Raves – Zack Baun EDGE/LB Wisconsin: Baun is a player I like more and more as the draft process goes on. He doesn’t pop as much on film but his versatility to rush and cover will serve him well. The college football heads on the Internet seem to love him and he should make for a solid NFL player. The Ravens have lost too many pass rushers and linebackers in free agency in recent years and it’s time to start replacing some of them. Enter Zack Baun. Reminds me of: Kyle Van Noy

29.Tennessee Titans – Yetur Gross-Matos EDGE Penn State: The Titans are no longer the butt of my jokes as I used to dub them the “most boring team in the league.” They proved me wrong by winning important football games and having an extremely fun offense led by someone not named Marcus Mariota (thank goodness.) For quite a few years they have actually had a pretty good roster, just often lacking top end talent. A bunch of solid players. I heard a great point recently that they don’t have that one guy on defense that offensive coordinators fear. They traded Jurrell Casey, (still strange, contract/age combo I guess) They should swing again at a big time pass rusher. Vic Beasley isn’t gonna cut it. Gross-Matos is a little tough to figure out. He’s super tall (6’7) and not the most gangly but he makes up for it with extreme athleticism and elusiveness around pass protection. He could end up being awesome, or we could forget his name in two years (like many guys), but I think he’s worth the risk. Reminds me of: Deforest Buckner

30.Green Bay Packers – Brandon Aiyuk WR Arizona State: The Packers have used a ton of picks and free agent dollars of defense in recent years which has helped their defense improve, but fact is, their offense wasn’t good enough last year. A team who finished 18th in total offense and 18th in total defense making the championship game is still wild to me. It’s been said a million times: Get some more weapons for Aaron Rodgers. Aiyuk may take some time develop but I definitely see 1000 yard per season potential. He has good downfield speed and game-breaking abilities after the catch. Finding a number two opposite Davante Adams doesn’t have to be such a challenge for Green Bay. There will be guys available at number 30. Reminds me of: DJ Moore

31.San Francisco 49ers – Ross Blacklock DT TCU: Many seem to think the Niners will trade this pick to acquire some picks in rounds 2-4 and maybe a QB hungry team moves back up into the first round. If they keep the pick, I like them going with Ross Blacklock. As the Niners have shown in recent years, they like those quick twitched, pass rushing type D Linemen like Buckner and Armstead. I thought about Neville Gallimore, but then I came to the conclusion that Blacklock fits the system better. He’s a little raw and had a torn achilles in 2018, but he can be a starter level DT in this league. Reminds me: Maurice Hurst

32.Kansas City Chiefs – Cesar Ruiz C Michigan: The Chiefs pick is definitely a tough one to figure. On paper they need defense more but what the hell do Andy Reid and Brett Veach care? It’s 2020. Offense, offense, offense. I like Ruiz a lot as a prospect and he could be the perfect interior lineman to replace Mitch Morse who they lost to free agency in 2019. He isn’t huge but he’s a super steady pass blocker for one of the most pass heavy teams in the league. I think Ruiz is being undervalued and could end up going higher in the first round. He would fit perfectly with the Chiefs. Reminds me of: Frank Ragnow

32 picks takes longer to write about than you’d think, but I can’t wait til Draft day!

Haven’t written in six months lol and wanted to write about music. Here’s some reviews of some recent stuff that’s come out that I thought was worth writing about:

After Hours – The Weekend: This album is even better than I was hoping it would be. A few friends and I had a discussion the other day where we each ranked The Weeknd’s projects — excluding mixtapes, from worst to best. I took the bold play and put After Hours number one. (and I think his discography is awesome) I could change my mind soon, but I feel good about it. He blends his older cinematic Alt R&B style with some lively more modern pop tracks to create a behemoth of a 56 minute record. Seriously, that title track is still worth three listens a day.

Future Nostalgia – Dua Lipa: I was introduced to Dua just last week and this album is so much fun. I’d heard the radio hits, but for the most part knew nothing about her. She takes an accessible pop style and turns up the ante to add excitement and punch to nearly every track. Future Nostalgia, Levitate and Hallucinate are all tracks I’d put on my party playlist. We’ll be able to party again soon lol.

The Slow Rush – Tame Impala: Obviously it’s been out for a while now, but I deemed it worth talking about. One of my favorite artists releases an album, it’s an event. The general consensus I’ve heard around this album is, it’s good. I’m gonna take it a step further, I love this album. I’ve listened to it pretty much nonstop since release found few flaws. The singles grew on me. I think Posthumous Forgiveness is a standout track now. Weird enough, I really liked Borderline at first and now I think it marks the one real lull in the album. On Track, Tomorrow’s Dust and One More Hour are several other favorites I have. I know the album isn’t as punchy as Currents or as spacey as Lonerism, but it marks a good feat for Kevin Parker. I think it’s hard for any artist to produce, create and tour four really good albums, and I think he’s done it. He’s taken the themes of getting older and getting a grip on reality to create a fun record with a little less drama from relationships and drugs to steer the ship. The Slow Rush is awesome, and I will continue to ride for it.

Swimmer – Tennis: Man, I wish I liked this album more. 2017’s Yours Conditionally was a highlight for that year, and really the decade for me. Doesn’t seem like Tennis tried to develop much. A once exciting, yet calming sound kind of just sounds samey to me now. I like several songs on the album, heck I like the album as a whole, but I wish it left me wanting more. It kind of just feels like background music at this point and I don’t feel a whole lot of reason to keep coming back.

3.15.20 – Childish Gambino: I still don’t have a perfect read on this album. Obviously, given the title, track names and artwork it begs a lot of questions. Questions I don’t know we’ll ever have an answer to. Gambino spent the last two years touring a hodgepodge of songs from Because The Internet, Awaken My Love and Summer Pack. All to drop this out of thin air and make no public comments about it. First question: Why is Feels Like Summer (42.26) here but Summertime Magic is not? Gosh man I just wish he did some promotion or one interview to explain this thing. Kind of seems like it might be throwaways and he’s going to use this to get fans off his back about releasing music for the foreseeable future. I think he will go full into acting (It’s been two years since Atlanta Season 2 and it doesn’t look like we’re getting Season 3 anytime soon!) and not tour music for quite while if ever again.

All that said, I really do enjoy 3.15.20. 12.38 is such a good song and I think 19.10 and 53.49 are standouts as well. I think as strange as the logistics of this album are, it’s much more accessible than Awaken My Love. I think almost every song is good. A lot of weird intros and outros though. So maybe the tracks weren’t throwaways? I think this is a really solid album even if it’s the last for Childish Gambino. The only thing bothering me is since Because The Internet, what is his biggest musical highlight? Redbone becoming a mega hit? Some song off this album you don’t know the title of because it’s just titled by how many minutes into the album it starts? Headlining festivals and performing a bunch of tracks that don’t align with any album or sector of the fanbase? I love Childish Gambino, but it’s hard not to think that Donald Glover got a little too comfortable with superstardom and chose to care too little about his fans on the music front.

Note: Soccer Mommy’s color theory, Lil Baby’s My Turn and 070 Shake’s (of Ghost Town fame) Modus Vivendi have all been standouts of late and really fun listens.

Wow, it’s been a while. I haven’t written since early July. It was when Hannah met Jed’s family on The Bachelorette and they knew he had a girlfriend. Lol happy October I guess. This will be a more serious piece. In the last couple months I have had countless ideas of things to write about but never sat down and wrote any of them. Some out of the idea that no one would care, some because of fear of others’ opinions of me. Here I am today, trying to kick that. I also tried to experience life for a while, which I think I’ve done. Of course there is plenty of life still to experience, but I started reading a book this evening about intuition, something I realized I had been fighting for quite a while.

When I was writing my mid year top 10 albums list on a plane to the east coast for job I didn’t enjoy being at, I kept mentioning how certain songs that were only a few months old already felt nostalgic to me because they reminded me of the end of college which was a great time for me. I was free of most mental roadblocks, I had a post-grad job lined up and I was headed to Southern California where I truly wanted to be. However, it wasn’t exactly what I expected.

I was living in Los Angeles which is known by many to be a glamorous place full of fun and opportunity. In some ways that is true, but I quickly realized it wasn’t what I wanted. I started working full time in California, two weeks after graduating in Kansas. I had very little time to breathe. Living in LA and driving to San Diego in the traffic every weekend became extremely exhausting. My job wasn’t exactly what I expected so I decided to quickly make a change to what I knew I loved, San Diego. I moved back to my hometown of Carlsbad to be close to what’s left of my family there and to be closer to friends that I definitely didn’t have over the summer in Pasadena. I quickly grew tired of the constant wake up, go to work, come home, work out, watch tv, go to bed. I needed to be around people that cared about me. LA became extremely lonely.

I have moved home and been thankful to my family spending constant time with me since. I have a few very close friends still here trying to figure things out in the same way I am. Life after college isn’t always as amazing as it’s hyped up to be. I’m not saying it’s bad. The real world is cool, especially if you don’t like school. However, back to that point about the nostalgia with the songs. I just learned your first job and living situation in the real world doesn’t always work out. In June and July I was afraid to admit how much I missed so many people I went to school with, and a life that finally began to feel comfortable for me. After returning to San Diego in late August I had a lot of fun once again with friends going out as much as I could. Things have now quieted down a bit. A dose of real life has definitely hit me. When you’re away from those you really want to be around it can truly hurt.

I also have many other problems in my life. Regular battles with anxiety and all the things that come with that can be tough. I’m currently looking for employment (holding out for something I truly want to do in a place I want to be in, which for now is San Diego.) I have put constant pressure on myself to be perfect in every way pretty much since the day of graduation. (and many days before that lol) I am seeing a therapist again for the fist time since school and it’s been positive. I have an absolutely horrible time trusting people whether it be family, friends and even myself. I am taking steps every day to improve that. I know people care about me, and I know I am smart enough to care for myself. A lot of these recent days of downtime before I have a job I’ve kept thinking. I have to do these 10 or 20 things today in order to be just as perfect as everyone else who graduated college this year. Fact of the matter is, this downtime has been extremely positive for me.

I have spent a ton of time once again improving my eating (a stressful matter with my anxiety and OCD) and exercise. My body already feels way better than it did over Summer because I’m taking real time to take care of it. For a while there I was just eating what I thought was quickest for my to stay somewhat healthy and get back to work or be able to run before I fell asleep. I’ve slept a ton more. I still love going out with friends but I have learned that doing it both (or three days) every weekend is too much for me. I like to sleep a lot and I’ve used this time to do that.

Last Fall was an extremely stressful time for me so I also have been feeling cues of that time and it turns into instant anxiety and mental pain, but since then I’ve experienced a lot and become so much more intelligent on how to deal with my problems. I’ve wondered so many times: “What am I doing with my life?” since graduation and today I think I finally had some clarity. I’m making decisions for myself and not anyone else. The exact thing I sung my own praises for when I left Wichita, but then I got lost in what is expected of the normal college graduate. I’ve put so much unnecessary stress on myself. I work hard every day to find an ideal lifestyle and career for me, and that has helped me take some time to assess my mental health. But this evening I thought to myself, this is the first time since probably graduation where I’ve had a week straight of no major bout with my anxiety and mental health. I am taking care of myself physically through good foods and exercise. I am sleeping more. I am looking for good job that I’ll be happy at. I am trying my hardest to trust that people care about me and I can be open and vulnerable when I need to.

I have a long way to go to get where I want to be but I had an intuitive feeling of fearlessness tonight, so I decided to share my feelings with the world. I have helped myself by writing this and admitting that things are getting better even if life is changing. I am so full of love and willingness to help people, but keep shutting down people when they want to help me. I am trying to improve on that. I have always felt a sense of unimportance and just asked “Why would that person care about me or my life?” even if it’s something positive. Even if the evidence is right in front of me for the opposite. It’s so foolish and I know better than that. I am extremely thankful for my family and my friends all across America now. Life isn’t exactly what I want right now at age 22, but every day I take steps to get there and that has to become more a positive. Today I’ve chosen to embrace that and all the good in my life. I hope you can too.

So I have not started Stranger Things yet, so the likelihood of me writing a Season 3 review is unlikely. I wanted to but I’m still not caught up on Big Little Lies (not thrilled about that lol) I’ll do that soon because I want to write a review when the season ends. The caveat here is that, the Bachelorette grind doesn’t stop! I can’t get behind. People spoil the episodes on Twitter if I watch the episode 2 hours late! It’s hard out here. Nonetheless, we had hometowns this week. Let’s get into it.

Peter: Peter’s family lives in Westlake Village, CA. They are half German and half Cuban, which is kind of tight. His family was far and away the best family. They really care about him and this was the episode where I finally became in on Peter. His car amazing. He didn’t need to call it his baby but wow what a car. He legitimately cares about Hannah. I think it’s starting to make sense that if Hannah wants to choose the best option for a successful relationship it’s gotta be Petter. He actually cares about her. Maybe he’s not the most interesting fellow in the world, but the care he showed with his family and for Hannah seems legit. He got really choked up making that toast before dinner. His parents are amazing. He definitely has the least red flags at this point. I was kind of surprised he got a rose, and then he got the first rose. I don’t want this man to get his heart broken. But it’s official, I’d be okay with him becoming the Bachelor.

Tyler: Oh Tyler, the fan favorite. It seems as though Tyler’s popularity skyrocketed early on but it’s starting to become apparent that he isn’t the right one for Hannah. All of the sudden he has 800,000 Instagram followers and seems very content with being famous. Could Tyler be the bachelor? I don’t know. I really don’t know who’s gonna win and it’s bugging me, but I refuse to look at spoilers. I still like Tyler a lot. He’s fun to watch and obviously the female population’s favorite contestant in a long time. He’s undoubtedly a good guy but I don’t think him and Hannah could get married. Could they date for a while? Yeah, sure. His hometown was fun but it appears that Tyler and Hannah’s love might not be there. Wouldn’t be surprised to see him cut after fantasy suites.

Luke: So Luke’s hometown is focused all on religion and his church. The people at his church as well as his family worship him (no pun intended). His family seems pretty normal and they actually seem to love Luke. Make no mistake, Luke has made this season a real drag, but it does seem like he has some good qualities to him. There’s no way Hannah should pick him, but it’s clear that Hannah does have real feelings for him. I think even the most awful of people deserve happiness somehow, and there are worse people out there than Luke. It was cool to see people actually be nice to him. Excited to see him blow up about the whole sex thing next week and go home for good. Maybe?

Jed: So Jed’s hometown was wild. His family knew he had a girlfriend right? That’s what they’re alluding to? Of course they care about him but they can’t be that convinced about his music career. It’s going nowhere. His dad’s outfit was terrible. I’m sorry I try to be open minded but I can’t get behind country music. It’s just so far from real life to me lol. Hannah straight tells Jed’s mom that he’s the only one she’s told she’s in love with and she said “I’ll take that.” Jed’s sister says falling in love wouldn’t be good for him. And the toast was about “being fully transparent” They want Jed to tell Hannah. It was all so weird. She should have dropped Jed. I legitimately think she should have kept Luke one more week and dropped Jed, but she is so into Jed. If I had to guess he’s the favorite to win and this whole girlfriend thing is gonna go haywire. Don’t spoil it for me I don’t wanna know! 

Hannah’s curveball: After giving Peter and Tyler the first two roses she breaks down and can’t decide who to keep. She eventually gets two more roses from Chris and decides to bring all four guys to fantasy suites. I’m sure she wants to have sex with all four lol she’s a horn dog. Maybe not Luke because clearly that’s not happening lol. This all means two guys have to go home next week right? I don’t know. I am really intrigued. I have no idea what’s gonna happen. Peter is the smart choice and Tyler would be a good choice. Neither seems likely. Luke is psycho and Jed has a girlfriend. Even with Luke’s blowup he still seems more likely than the first two. I truly can’t wait for next week. If you haven’t read any spoilers and have predictions, how do you see this shaking out? Who’s gonna win? Feel free to leave a comment! I’ll be back next week, hopefully!

-Nick Beach

Top 10 Albums Mid Year 2019

I’ve been writing this blog for several years and I wanted to make it as special as I can this year. I chose to change it up a little this year. I’m still going to write a blurb for each of my top 10 albums. I also decided to add favorite tracks for each album. At the end I’m also going to include the lists of some of my friends. We all share music with each other so why not make this a collaborative effort as well? Also, Bandana, by Freddie Gibbs and Madlib will not be considered, at least on my list. As expected, I’m pleased with it, but it came out June 28 and I haven’t had enough time to digest it yet. Let’s get into it. This list was hard to put together. I’m going 10-1 this year.

10.Flamagra – Flying Lotus:

The esteemed hip-hop and electronic producer Flying Lotus is back with his first full project since 2014’s You’re Dead!, an album I love. I don’t want this to sound negative because there are some tracks here I really like. And my criteria is such that I choose which albums I return to the most. There are other projects that have one or two songs I really liked but Flamagra has kept me moderately interested. It’s not nearly as good as some of Flying Lotus’ past albums, but it’s still great background music and I’d recommend it to anyone who wants a chill instrumental record. It’s a bit long but any segment of the album can be thrown on for a chill mood.  Favorite tracks: More, Takashi

9.Hi This Is Flume (Mixtape) – Flume:

Another producer album. Flume is back with a follow up to his 2016 album, Skin. I liked that album, but overall didn’t go back to it is much as I would have initially anticipated. With this new project (I don’t know why he’s calling it a mixtape) Flume gets back to the basics. Grimy, excitable electronic beats. The features are awesome and Flume is still one of the most important DJ/producers we have. The features are executed well (The JPEGMAFIA feature is incredible) and it’s a pretty quick digestible album. I’ll be spinning this project for the rest of the year. plenty of great summer songs on here as well. Favorite tracks: How to Build a Relationship, Dreamtime, Voices, Is it Cold in the Water? Remix

8.Diaspora – Goldlink:

Goldlink is an artist I’ve listened to pretty consistently since he appeared on the 2015 XXL Freshman cover. I’ve always been drawn to his eccentric voice and and creative bars. The electronic influenced production has also been a huge selling point to me with hip-hop music. (See: Big Fish Theory by Vince Staples) Problem is I’ve never felt Goldlink had ever put it together for a full project. With Diaspora, I feel that he’s finally hit the mark. While 2017’s At What Cost gained the DMV local a lot of praise (and I loved the hit song Crew) I don’t think it was quite there. Goldlink’s rapping is finally there with the extremely fun production on Diaspora. This is an awesome, good mood summer album. Favorite tracks: Joke Ting, Zulu Screams, Maniac, Cokewhite, 

7.ZUU – Denzel Curry:

I think this was the hardest one to rank for me. As you may know, Denzel’s 2018 album TA1300 was my number one album of the year. It’s almost as if he followed up with ZUU a little to quick for my liking. Nonetheless, I really like this album. With one of my favorite rappers it’s hard to out any project at number 7, on a mid year list. It isn’t as extravagant as TA1300 and I don’t feel myself longing to listen to it every day like I did with TA1300. I watched a recent interview with Denzel and he mentioned that ZUU was intended to be more of a fun album, and a little less dark and topical. The Miami grime really shines through on this project. It’s a super concise 29 minutes and and full of fun, potential party tracks. “WISH” featuring Kiddo Marv (sounds eerily similar to Brockhampton’s Merlyn) is my current favorite. Super cool instrumental and some of Denzel’s best bars on the album. I also think the “YOO” skit is really funny and a great touch to the record. I think overall I’ll listen to ZUU plenty in the future. It’s hard to follow up and album like TA1300 and I almost figured I wouldn’t listen to it as much. I’m a little upset this isn’t going to be in my top five this year, but TA1300 is an album I often tab as one that changed my life, and opened my eyes to so many things going on in my life. I think ZUU is a more than acceptable follow up to it. Favorite tracks: RICKY, WISH, SPEEDBOAT

6.IGOR – Tyler, The Creator:

Can you believe Tyler, The Creator is six albums deep now? It sounds dumb but it seems like yesterday that I just started listening to Tyler and at the same time he’s been in my life forever. I’m pleased that with Flower Boy and IGOR the general music public seems to have finally come around to Tyler. IGOR is his most conceptual album since WOLF and I think it has some of my favorite production since then as well. I’ll always have tons of respect for Tyler and will probably listen to every one of his albums and continue to attend his shows, but fact is, I’m just not as big of a fan of him as I was when I was 15 or even when I was 18. That’s why it feels weird putting Tyler ahead of Denzel (who is undoubtedly one of my favorite rappers today). Honestly though, I keep going back to IGOR. This is a good album. There a few tracks I’m lukewarm on, but overall I think flaws are minimal on IGOR. Tyler is flourishing in a role that has him rapping less and focusing on singing and producing more. Tracks where he does rap like “A BOY IS A GUN*” and “WHAT’S GOOD” are awesome because they have an amazing flow and the beat to back it. I also love what he did with the features. The constant voiceover doesn’t bother me at all. The breakup concept is awesome and the way he finishes with a track called “ARE WE STILL FRIENDS?” is really interesting. I’m just surprised this album made it to the masses. There is no reason to be be overly contrarian, but it’s always hard to watch one of your favorite artists become huge and hear their music everywhere. I’m more accepting of this with an artist like Travis Scott. I guess I just never saw it happening to Tyler. Nonetheless, I love IGOR. Favorite tracks: EARFQUAKE, I THINK, A BOY IS A GUN*, WHAT’S GOOD

5.Assume Form – James Blake:

If you asked me what a song is that will surely be on my Spotify most played for 2019, I would almost immediately answer “Mile High” by James Blake. I’ve been listening to him for several years but similar to Goldlink, had never become enthralled by a full project. This one of of the first major releases on my radar this year and is an album I haven’t stopped listening to. I think it’s far and away the best production on a James Blake album to date. I love how he got Travis Scott to hop on the second track. I like how the back half of the album mellows out a lot as well from the first half. It’s a good contrast. James Blake is fast becoming one of my favorite singers and I’m excited to catch one of his shows soon. The creativity on tracks like “Can’t Believe the Way We Flow” show the artistry of Blake as well as the way he structured the album. I had a long drive home from Missouri to Kansas on a cold Saturday night in February and I threw on this album. I was hooked after that listen. I had this album higher initially because I think the replay value is really good, but I had to drop it a couple spots because these next two albums have become absolute favorites for me. Favorite tracks: Mile High, Into the Red, Can’t Believe the Way We Flow, Lullaby for My Insomniac

4.WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP WHERE DO WE GO? – Billie Eilish:

Wow, this album. How come no one ever told me Billie Eilish is so much more than a fad that basic girls listen to? I listened once when it came out and thought yeah this is cool, probably won’t go back to it. I guess I should have trusted that Fantano review. I forget what inspired me to re-listen but about a month ago I threw this on in my headphones and my perception completely changed. The production is incredible. Some of the best production I have heard on a pop album in quite a while. The voice distortion, the heavy baselines on tracks like “you should see me in a crown.” There are so many things I like about this album. I just needed to listen to this in the right atmosphere. I think I was also skeptical that Billie is only 17 but man she can sing, and more importantly than that, craft an album. The way “ilomilo” starts where it sounds like the clock is ticking and then the beat comes in is so sick. Not to mention the subject matter on this track is heavy. My only gripe with the album is every time I get to “listen before I go” I think the album is ending because this would have been the perfect last track, and then there are two more. Hats off the Billie Eilish though, this album is great. Can’t wait to see her soon as well. Favorite tracks: you should see me in a crown, my strange addiction, bury a friend, ilomilo

3.LEGACY! LEGACY! – Jamila Woods:

This is an artist that’s new to me. Upon recommendation from good friend Matt Hopper (his list below), I listened to this album. It took me no time with this one. I immediately knew it was going to be in my top 10. It has ultimately vaulted to number 3. I listen to it a ton. It’s everything I could ask for from an R&B/Neo Soul record. The production is amazing, my favorite on any album so far this year. The soulful blend of synths make for quite a relaxing listen. Jamila also tackles some serious topics of love, heartbreak and more in a way that is intelligent and relatable. I compare the sound to some sort of combo between Rina Sawayama (but more mellow) Tyler, The Creator (but less eccentric) and Noname (but more singing than rapping). It’s so fun discovering a new artist that you’re really into. Like this album is no joke. If you asked me what album that I didn’t rank number one here could end up first on my year end list it would be this. I don’t see that happening, but I have gone back to this album more recently than any other. It’s so relaxing, fun and impressive from an artistic standpoint. Favorite tracks: FRIDA, SUN RA, OCTAVIA, BETTY (FOR BOOGIE) 

2.ARIZONA BABY – Kevin Abstract:

Kevin, why’d you have to weirdly drop this album in three chunks three different weeks? Whatever, the album is so good I got over it when the full version was out. The Brockhampton pseudo-frontman is back with his his first solo project since before the SATURATION series. I love Kevin Abstract. I never tab him as my favorite member of Brockhampton but I’ve always loved his emotion and energy in his verses and hooks. He can rap, he can sing, and listening to Brockhampton can never not get me excited. What sets Brockhampton apart is that people in their early 20s like myself are facing all the same things they are facing. Moving around, figuring out who you are, and all the emotions that come with those things. “Joyride” and “Peach” were immediate additions to my BOP playlist (a playlist that I made initially for songs to listen to while getting ready to go out) These two songs are amazing amongst other great tracks on the album. Most important, this, like my number one album, makes me think of a very positive time, (It’s only a couple months ago) but the last couple months of college were incredible. The relatable aspects of ARIZONA BABY are part of what made it great. I will never forget throwing on “Peach “ before going out there at the end of the year and I still listen to this album all the time. Put this new Brockhampton album (“Coming this Summer!”) at the top of my list of most anticipated albums for the rest of the year. Thank you Kevin! Favorite tracks: Joyride, Mississippi, Peach, American Problem

1.Ventura – Anderson .Paak:

“You’re my twilight, when it’s awfully dark and I lost my wayyyyy.” That’s all. No I’m kidding. So, I wrote about Ventura a couple months ago and how it was a huge return to form after Oxnard. I consistently mention Anderson .Paak when talking about my favorite artists. I love the way he blends genres so seamlessly, but make no mistake, he is at his best when he is making soul songs. When he sings like he does on Ventura, it is incredible. I’ve said so many things about this album already. I think I like every song. Some I listen to more than others, but none that need a skip. The end of the album is my favorite end to an album in a long time. Songs like “Jet Black” and of course “Twilight” which I noted above are easily two of my favorite songs this year. I listened to this album a ton there at the end of college and also makes me feel extremely positive every time I listen to it. The difference here is none of these songs are on my BOP playlist. It’s more of intimate, chill listen, but Anderson .Paak’s positive feeling music is infectious. What I’m getting at here is that I primarily listen to this album when I’m alone and rarely when I’m with friends. It’s probably my most listened-to album so far this year and that’s why I put it at number one. I’m not one that normally does great with solitude. I love being around people, and when I’m alone listening to Ventura I always feel great. Favorite tracks: Make It Better, Reachin’ 2 Much, Chosen One, Jet Black, Twilight

Thank you so much to Matt, Noah and Zane for contributing! Their lists:

Matt Hopper:

1.ARIZONA BABY – Kevin Abstract

2.LEGACY! LEGACY! – Jamila Woods

3.ZUU – Denzel Curry

4.The Last Word – The O’Jays

5.Ventura – Anderson .Paak

6.Heard It In a Past Life – Maggie Rogers

7.IGOR – Tyler, The Creator

8.Violet Street – Local Natives

9.You Can’t Sit With Us – Pivot Gang

10.Magnolia – Randy Houser

Noah Simpson:

1.Baby on Baby – DaBaby

2.We All Shine: YNW Melly

3.From the Neighborhood to the Stage – Quando Rondo

4.Dedicated – Carly Rae Jepsen

5.ZUU – Denzel Curry

6.Ventura – Anderson .Paak

7.Drip or Drown 2 – Gunna

8.1UP – T-Pain

9.Boosie 3.5 – Boosie Badazz

10.Re-UP – Deniro Farrar

Zane Moothart:

1.ARIZONA BABY – Kevin Abstract

2.We All Shine – YNW Melly

3.IGOR – Tyler, The Creator

4.Assume Form – James Blake

5.1000 Gecs – 100 Gecs

6.Baby on Baby – DaBaby

7.Scriptures – Tee Grizzley

8.Cuz I love You – Lizzo

9.Outer Peace – Toro Y Moi

10.Father of 4 – Offset

ABC has got to stop spoiling the good stuff. I hated how after the nightmare of an episode 6 that we got they chose to spoil so much. I’m addressing it right away. Hannah is going to send Luke home after what he says to her about sex. He will likely come back with a ring. Man this situation stinks. No spoilers here of course. That’s the extent of what I know. What everyone else has seen. I did hear today on a small to mid-sized podcast that it’s supposed to get really wild from here on out so that should be fun! Okay, onto episode 7.

Connor goes home: Jed, Tyler and Mike are given the one on ones and Connor is stuck. He goes to talk to Hannah because he’s worried their connection isn’t strong enough for her to meet his family. He’s right. It’s the first time he showed emotion this season. Hannah told him quickly that it was too little too late. He seemed overwhelmed by the process. He should have taken more initiative. Connor seems fun and could have had a good connection with Hannah. Not to make excuses for him but he seemed to have been most affected by the Luke situation. It took up so much time and Connor didn’t know what to do. He chose to stay on the fringes as to not cause drama. It didn’t work. I felt kind of bad for Connor. Let’s hear his wonderful voice more on Paradise.

Mike’s Date: I’ve chosen not to address Jed’s date because it was what it was. They have a strong connection. Despite the situation with Jed’s girlfriend. It seems Jed is making it pretty close to the finish. Okay, Mike. The episode showed very little of their day time date and then Hannah is bawling when Mike shows up for the night time portion. That elevator Mike came in on in Amsterdam was elaborate wow. When I saw that on the past previews I thought it would mean Mike would make it to the final four. I was wrong. Hannah is so devastated to send Mike home. Mike handles it perfectly. He tells her he appreciates her honesty and moves on. Strong dude. I mention again I know this is far from real life but Mike epitomized that not every breakup, even hard ones, have to be “bad” Mike for Bachelor still. Right?

Tyler: Tyler gets a one on and struggles to open up when Hannah asks him to. It was the first time this season he looked unnerved and and a little less than perfect. But, of course in true Tyler fashion he figured it out and truly opened up to Hannah about his parents’ divorce and how it affected him and his love life. Well, let me tell you hearing things like this is never easy for me, but it was brave of Tyler. Hannah gave him the rose. and was left with Peter, Garrett and Luke.

Group date: Peter gets the group date rose by being easy going, and not a problem. Once again, Luke and Garrett get into it. Garrett messing with Luke and putting the bologna on his eyes in the credits was actually pretty funny. Garrett does alright with Hannah on the back end of the date, but Luke is smarter than I thought. He pulled out the God came to me in the shower story to make it to hometowns. Garrett goes home after being fully confident that he had finally got rid of Luke. Luke and Hannah have arguably their first good moment together since what, week 2? Hannah shows her first inkling of confidence in her relationship with Luke. Of course, as we saw, that’s going downhill next week.

I guess if I had to predict the final four it would have been these four. Maybe I would have said Mike over Luke. Nonetheless, we’re down to Luke, Tyler, Jed and Peter. Hometowns next week. Who knows what’s gonna happen? Luke is a psychopath. Jed had a girlfriend. Peter is fine. Hopefully it’s Tyler. I don’t know. Good episode. I think? My main gripe is early on in the season and really at times all through the season I’ve given Hannah a lot of credit. She’s smart, she articulates feelings well, and she’s truly a good, fun person. However, the situation with Luke has gone too far. It’s hard to blame her because Luke is a master manipulator. I just hate to watch someone continue to rationalize toxicity like this. I guess we will see how she deals with it. I’m gonna throw up if she lets Luke come back after sending him home, again. She can’t pick Jed. Right? Wow that would be crazy afterward. Maybe that is what we should want? Okay, maybe not. We’ll see. I’ll be back next week. Hopefully.

-Nick Beach

Yeaahhhhh it’s my first Bachelorette recap here we go let’s get into it. So Luke is a douche yeah he’s the worst we’ll get to that. Generally, I felt this episode was a good bounce back though. I was getting tired of the whole episodes being dedicated to Luke’s idiocy (I think that’s a word). Hannah is fun to watch too normally. Let’s hit the highlights.

Garrett’s date: So they go bungee jumping dong out and both are quite freaked out. They end up making it happen and I loved Hannah’s quote where she said something along the lines of “That’s a real ding dong” when she watched the first couple jump. The day goes on and Garrett’s stock rose for me a little bit. He’s still far too concerned with Luke but in terms of connection with Hannah I think he’s more in this thing than people once believed including myself. Fun date, good watch. Too bad Hannah’s body is a temple and she’s only allowed to touch Luke on a show where the objective is to date multiple guys.

The Group Date: So everyone minus Garrett and Peter goes on the group date and Dylan and Dustin know their fate once they end up on the group date. It’s too bad, I think both of them had potential. I don’t know. Dylan’s from San Diego. Maybe he’ll be more of a power player in Paradise? Prolly not. The date was instance number 672 in Bachelor/Bachelorette history of the “explore the city” date. It’s a little tired but can still be interesting. Also the weather in Riga generally looked terrible. Anyway Hannah downs a pickle and Dylan and Tyler are dumfounded. Tyler gets the rose for being the most charming guy out there and Luke is upset because he doesn’t get the rose for telling Hannah he was upset about her date with Garrett. On Tyler though, his stock continues to rise for me. Seriously what other guy in history has been so good looking, so charming, funny and actually this likable? He can say whatever he wants because he’s such a snacc. Those pants are just so tight though. That’s a large man. He needs bigger pants!

Peter’s date: Idk I guess this was a highlight. It was the spa date and the Latvian people basically told Hannah and Peter: “Hey go de-clothe and be sweaty together.” They do that, physical connection with them two is the most notable of any of the guys in my opinion. Hannah asks how Peter’s pilot job could affect their relationship and I think he kind of misinterprets the question. He responds by telling Hannah about a past relationship that really hurt him which is fine and he did open up a bit. Hannah seems to be ok with the answer but I expect this to come up again. Peter seems like he’s really into Hannah and he appears to be a good guy, but I’m just lukewarm on Peter. He’s fine. Don’t really want him to win, or become the Bachelor. I can’t stand his voice. Think he’s only ok looking. Won’t be upset if Hannah chooses him though (I doubt it) because I think he’s a good enough guy.

Stock up — Mike: Mike wore a du rag in this episode. He’s a 31 year old man who gets extremely giddy around this southern 24 year old white girl. And he just wears a du rag around the house when he’s chillin. That’s amazing. I also don’t think he has a great chance to win and would be awesome as the Bachelor. Loads of charisma. He’s my pick.

Stock down — Luke: I’m sure you knew this was coming. Luke stinks. It’s to the point where he ruins part of every episode. We’re down to seven guys and he’s still here. He’s just painful man. Look, there have been guys in the past on the Bachelorette I haven’t liked. And then there’s Luke. It’s as if he doesn’t have brain cells. It’s also as if when he’s with Hannah he takes away all of her brain cells. He can’t have a conversation without saying something ridiculous. He is controlling, and he notably says to Hannah in this episode “I will never control you.” I think we all know The Bachelorette isn’t real life, but I can’t help but worry for Hannah. I don’t think Luke is gonna win because well, it appears she sends him home when he tells her he doesn’t want her having sex. My goodness this guy is the worst. Every conversation they have Hannah experiences clear distress. It’s like if you’ve ever been in a really bad relationship or have been close to someone who has been you know what this is like. And Hannah tells Chris Harrison she might be falling in love with Luke. What??? They had like one good week together and then he ruined everything. This has gotta stop at some point.

The Jed situation: So according to People Jed had a girlfriend when he came on the show. https://people.com/tv/bachelorette-jed-wyatts-allegedly-had-girlfriend/ The story seems too detailed to be fake. I believe we will learn more when the show ends. I think he came on the promote himself and his music and ended up really falling for Hannah. He went home and ghosted his girlfriend. She wants payback. I expect Hannah to speak about it candidly after the final rose. Jed isn’t winning. I kind of like his sherpa jacket but this guy’s gotta go. He’s a a scumbag (not the good kind). I also thought the singing outside the window wasn’t great. His music isn’t either.

The Rose Ceremony: So Hannah decides to axe the cocktail party and head straight to the rose ceremony. Dylan and Dustin get sent home in favor of Luke. Hannah makes it a point to tell Luke she sees good in him. You can tell she was reluctant to give him the rose once again and she hates giving him credit or affection in front of the other guys, but somehow he’s still here. Seriously their relationship is such a train wreck. I hate it but I can’t look away. On the bright side everyone that remains is a serious threat to Luke (maybe not Connor), so it should get really good from here on out. Hannah is going to go even more crazy. I liked this episode and the fact that we got some good time from Tyler and Garrett was fun. On to next week, hopefully I’ll be back!

-Nick

Hi. It’s been a little while. or it least it feels like it has. Life has already changed a lot. I might write these from time just to update people on my life. I love that I can share links to my blogs on Twitter and people who care can read them and people who don’t can scroll right past it. That makes so much more sense to me then people tweeting life updates. I don’t know.

So yeah I’ve moved on. I started my blog as a way to cope with the remaining months of college. Fear, anxiety, a lack of purpose or vision of the future. All things I experienced this past Spring and Winter. Now I’m updating you on the fact that I’ve moved past much of this. I’m not saying life is perfect, because it’s not, but man that feeling of finishing college is amazing. I was done man. I didn’t like the structure. It’s crazy because I had some of the best times of my life during the last couple months of college. I miss those who I am close with from school every day. I have been in good contact with many of the people I really care about.

Now that Spring is gone and Summer is here I feel really good. Summer has always been my favorite season. The lack of care for responsibilities, the beach, getting to be as narcissistic as I want about my tan. Most importantly I’ve always loved Summer because it’s such a disconnect from the norm. Growing up you’re away from people you spend so much time at school and you find out who you really to spend time with (or keep in touch with if you’re home from college). Well now life is different. I’m working full time. I’m busy. My job is centered around putting out content on the Internet so I’ve been hesitant to blog in my free time. I hope that changes. Idk I have too many podcasts to listen to and shows to catch up on. I don’t really mind adult life so far. (It’s been all of like 8 days) but yeah let’s explain why.

Pasadena, CA. Los Angeles County. A little east of the city for those unfamiliar. California is generally way easier for me to adapt to than Kansas ever was but it’s still a fairly unfamiliar place. I’m still getting used to it but I moved into an apartment in a town where I don’t have a whole lot of friends but going to school in Kansas has sure helped with this process. I still have friends in San Diego. In time I’ll have more friends moving to LA. I heard several people older than me say that being an adult sucks when I was almost done with college. I don’t really agree. Yeah it’s busy. I’ve had one weekend so far and I packed a lot into it but it was awesome. Feels great to have a routine again. I missed that about high school all throughout college.

Why am I writing this? I just want people to know what’s going on and sometimes I’m at a loss for words so when I’m thinking about it I often go into stream of consciousness mode whether it’s spoken or written. I’ve felt a lot more at ease lately. It wasn’t all organic though. Some of it was. Living in California helps. I love it here. I can be to San Diego (forever the best place in the world) in less than two hours. Living so far from home for four years and having to plan every trip ahead of time is stressful. It ate away at me feeling so far away from what I loved.

A big part of my newfound feeling is dedication though. 2018 wasn’t an easy year for me. I had bouts with myself, my mental health, with others. A lot wasn’t going my way. At the turn of the year I decided to focus on myself. Not that the BS that people say they’re gonna do and then work out for like 6 days before reverting back to bad habits. Every day I set goals. I have achieved every single goal to date. In the past something I have severely lacked is confidence. For many people who know me it may not seem like that. I’m a people person. I talk into a mic for fun regularly. I have never had trouble talking to people. Last year I lost most of those things. There were several months where I woke up every day wondering if who I am was enough. It didn’t feel good.

I was afraid to leave my house and was distancing myself from people and things that really matter to me. I was so afraid of how others in my life would respond if I acted a certain way. Saying that now seems so ridiculous in hindsight. Now something I do every day is remind myself to stay strong, stay positive and believe in myself. I have no reason not to. Every night and every morning I reflect on reality. I believe that I am pretty self aware. I’m not super full of myself and I also believe I can do anything I set my mind to. It’s a good balance to have.

Sometimes it just takes a major change to realize what you mean to people. I didn’t think last year that people really cared what I had to say. That was so not true. I started once again spending countless hours with those who matter to me like when I was younger. I rarely said no to hanging out. Days started going by faster. Locking down a job surely helped my psyche for the future but hey I don’t know how long I’ll be here and that’s okay. Plans started becoming easier to make because you get closer to people. I’m going out, I’m working out, I’m hanging out with friends just to talk. I’m watching sports. I’m listening to the music I want to listen to. All these things sound so simple but I wasn’t doing them regularly enough.

It’s hard to admit this because not a ton of people know this about me but I had some really hard bouts with OCD and especially body dysmorphia. Most people know I’m kind of a freak when it comes to health. I don’t eat dessert. I don’t drink soda. Ever. I didn’t eat red meat for like six months because I was worried about my heart health when I reached my 70s and 80s. Last summer I got sick and I was already eating a pretty clean, low calorie diet and working out a lot. (a lot of cardio, I still love this) I couldn’t eat solid meals for almost a week and I reached my lowest weight ever (you get what I mean). I got down to about 128-129 lbs. No knock on anyone who is skinny. I hated how I looked. Problem was two years prior I weighed my most ever (about 163 and I’m about 5’7″ for those unaware) and dedicated my life to being healthy and getting skinny. I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that I needed to gain weight. I couldn’t stand how I looked in photos and in the mirror. I would buy the smallest clothes you can buy for an adult male and they’d still be too small for me.

I knew something had to change so I saw the doctor and they suggested some changes to my diet. The main thing was more protein. Re-integrate red meat. I did that. The start was the hardest though because trust me I knew when I had gained a pound or two and this didn’t feel ok to me. All throughout this process I’ve had a pretty big appetite and I have never starved myself. So sometimes I would eat a lot of carbs. It was hard to handle at first but after a short stint on medication for my OCD I put on about 10 pounds of muscle. More protein and more weights. None of this is really an issue anymore. It was a giant hurdle to get over though. it consumed me every day. I weigh about 138-140 normally now. I’m still the thin guy I always wanted to be but I don’t think I’m too thin. Let me reiterate, there is absolutely nothing wrong with weighing less than 130 but it wasn’t right for me. The best part is I can no longer look in the mirror shirtless after eating and figure out exactly what I weigh. The body dysmorphia has actually gone away some. It’s weird, it’s truly a delusional feeling. I don’t beat myself up for eating certain foods or missing a few days of working out like I used to. It’s all part of the process and I feel good. That’s what matters.

I also no longer had to completely cover myself in a hoodie and sweatpants every day because I didn’t want people to say how my body looked. (or my hair — I grew that out from Christmas to the end of the school year and I loved feeling good about that again) Little things like this made leaving the house and especially going out on weekends so much easier. I just started trusting myself. I opened my eyes and saw that others trusted me so I had no reason not to trust myself. I went on trips without experiencing vacation anxiety. I was vocal. I once again felt comfortable around my friends. I have an unbelievable support group so I’d like to give some thanks. Thanks to Travis, Noah, Stowe, Mark, Flo, Andrea, Z, Eric for always helping me feel normal and embrace who I am. Thanks to Conor for always being my right hand man. I know how much you look up to me and that means I lot. I look at you the same way. Sharing virtually the same interests with you these last two years has been the best. Thanks to Matt for always showing me that feeling a little abnormal is okay. Never met someone as kind and compassionate as you. Thanks for always been such a voice of reason for me. Thanks to Wyatt for all the random phone calls and thanks to Jesse for every outlandish comment. Spending time with you guys is a blast. Thanks to Fabian for helping me see that embracing who you are is the best way to act. Growing close to you has meant the world. Anyone I didn’t mention that I’m close to. Thank you too. Thanks to my loving family as well.

Life doesn’t seem like a blur anymore. I feel more clear. My confidence and self-awareness are getting better and better every day. I like my body. I don’t fear the future. I try to take things day by day. The only reputation I have to uphold is that with myself. I have feared sharing this all with the world for some time but I don’t have a lot of fear at this moment so I said why not? Not feeling timid or full of doubt every minute is extremely freeing. I look forward to what the future holds and every day is a blessing. I have been embracing that notion every day. If we haven’t talked in a while please feel free to reach out. I’m just a text or call away. I’ll always respond.

-Nick Beach

It’s festival season. I’m on my way to Boston right now to attend Boston Calling for one day. This is my third consecutive year attending a festival of some type. In 2017 and 2018 I attended Coachella, one of the biggest festivals there is. In 2018 I also attended Agenda Festival in Long Beach, a very small festival. Brockhampton headlined. Need I say more? Boston Calling will likely be in the middle of the sizes of those two festivals. 

Every year this topic runs through my head. A couple years back I saw a tweet asking who your dream 10 artists to see at a festival would be if you could only pick 10. I don’t remember if I answered on Twitter at the time but that’s not important. My list changes all the time. I listen to a lot of artists and obviously I see some of them in concert and either knock them off my list or really want to see them again. My list is not necessarily my 10 favorite artists but it’s kind of close. I tried to make it realistic. I went with artists that I really want to see in this moment. I also tried to keep it realistic. I don’t have 10 headlining artist on here. That’s not how festivals work. I didn’t pick all artists that can see out arenas because that wouldn’t happen. That said, it’s still a dream scenario. 

I broke it down into three days like many festivals are. Three artists Friday, four Saturday once you have the ropes of the festival grounds down a little more and three Sunday because you’re pretty tired by this time.

Friday

Late afternoon: Denzel Curry

Times I’ve seen them: Two

Seeing at Boston Calling? Yes

Denzel Curry has long been a rapper I’ve loved listening to. I first saw him in 2015 as an opening act after listening to his album one time. He was lively and exciting while it was still light outside. I started listening to him seriously after that. He’s a couple albums deeper into his career now and has really honed his skills. In 2018, he released TA1300, my favorite album of the year. The album is nearly perfect from start to finish. There are dark, slower songs, hype songs and several in between. I’ve been dying to see him again since the album came out. TA1300 definitely got me through some tough times and it seems like I know every word on the album like the back of my hand now. When I see Denzel perform songs like “Clout Cobain” I’m gonna lose it. Excited for him to open the afternoon for me Saturday at Boston Calling.

Evening: Fleet Foxes

Times I’ve seen them: Zero

Seeing at Boston Calling? No

So after a crazy Denzel Curry set (they’re tiring) I’m going to completely chill out. I’ve only been listening to Fleet Foxes for about a year and a half seriously. Their album Crack Up which they released in 2017 has become a huge part of my life. It’s become my go-to pretty much any time I’m trying to relax or stay calm. I missed them at Coachella last year because of a conflict with a band called Alvvays. Good set. Don’t regret that decision too much, but I need to see Fleet Foxes. It would be such a calming experience. I need “On Another Ocean” and “I Should See Memphis” live for real.

Headliner: Childish Gambino

Times I’ve seen them: Zero

Seeing at Boston Calling? No

He headlined Coachella this year on Friday night. I was bummed I couldn’t be there. I’ve loved him pretty much since I started loving music. He’s become one of the biggest artists in the world. (That’s not a stretch right?) Atlanta is also one of my favorite tv shows and I eat up anything Donald Glover does much like rest of the population. Where’s the album though? He’s due. It’s gotta be coming soon… right? He’s doing a lot of festivals this year so my hopes aren’t crushed yet. Stay tuned. He’s also one of those artists I’d love to see perform some of his lesser known songs from the earlier albums. (“Heartbeat”, “All The Shine” and “Zealots of Stockholm” come to mind.) However, he’s fully embraced being a superstar. He performs the hits primarily now. That’s fine, his hits slap too. I gotta see Gambino.

Saturday

Late afternoon: Tennis

Times I’ve seen them: One

Seeing at Boston Calling? No

A little band from Colorado called Tennis. The singer (woman) is married to the multi instrumentalist (man) and they do their thing together. Indie pop is probably the best way to explain it. Thanks to Travis Breese we saw them as our first act at Coachella in 2017. They were on the stage before Sampha so we said why not? I think it was like 2 pm. We were in the festival til I believe 1 a.m. that night. Big mistake. However, after that day I started listening to Tennis. Incredible. One of my favorite bands. I have a shirt that doesn’t fit me. Tennis is so tight. I need some more Tennis. Album? No one cares that much besides me lol. 

Early Evening: Young Thug

Times I’ve seen them: Zero

Seeing at Boston Calling? No

Thugger Thugger baby. Still the best rapper in the game. I say that with a quite a bit of confidence. When does this man ever do festivals though? It’s been a while. Maybe it’s still the stigma he had around him early in his career for not showing up to shows. While the Atlanta native still has a wild cult following, he isn’t as big as he once was. What was his last hit? Does “Relationship” count? “Chanel, Go Get It”? Nonetheless, he released two good albums last year and deserves a shot to fire up some crowds around 6 p.m. at big festivals. He’s got enough bangers to do so. The man legitimately has 80+ good songs. Not a lot of artists can say that. How have I still not seen Young Thug?

Late evening: Majid Jordan

Times I’ve seen them: One 

Seeing at Boston Calling? No

The Canadian alt R&B duo of singer Majid Al-Maskati and producer Jordan Ullman was a staple for me all throughout college. I put them in the exact same slot that I saw them in at Coachella 2017. Not big enough to play a main stage but an awesome slot around 8/8:30 p.m. before a conflict with the headliner. The normies are watching a boring DJ or having something to eat. (I already feel stupid for saying that.) Their set was incredible. Every song we wanted off their self-titled album and their music is made for night time. Danceable, but chill and emotional. I’ve been dying to see them again since. An album and a tour later this year would be awesome.

Headliner: Tame Impala

Times I’ve Seen Them: Zero

Seeing at Boston Calling? Uhhhh… hhyeeaahhhhhh

They are headlining Saturday night at Boston Calling. I finally get to see my favorite band. They’re playing just about every big festival this year and I’ve been waiting several years for that to happen. They’re one of the few rock bands left big enough to headline festivals and and garner a huge crowd. You know the story. Psychedelic rock, synth pop and now even some funkier stuff with the new singles. No album since 2015’s Currents but I can confidently say that’ll be out soon. Their hits have over 300 million streams on Spotify. That’s a lot. Even surprised me. Countless good songs. Great jam band. Feed me Kevin Parker and company as the main act on a Saturday night. It doesn’t get much better than that. 

Sunday

Late afternoon: Brockhampton

Times I’ve seen them: Three

Seeing at Boston Calling? No

They played Boston Calling last year in their first show without since-removed member Ameer Vann. It was a strange set and they cancelled the rest of their tour. They next performed as the headliner at Agenda Festival at the end of June. They were firing on all cylinders without Ameer. That was truly one of the best shows I’ve ever seen. I’ve never exerted so much energy and sweat so much. All of us felt it. That was a real moment. It was one of three times I saw them in 2018. I will never stop wanting to see Brockhampton. I hope to see them again this year. Multiple times again would be cool. You can’t convince me there’s a bad time to see Brockhamtpon, so I’m fine with the sun still being out. I’d see them at 10 a.m. I’m completely serious. 

Evening: Anderson .Paak 

Times I’ve seen them: Zero

Seeing at Boston Calling: Yes

He’s playing that evening slot on Saturday at Boston Calling and I’m very excited. As I recently wrote about, his new album, Ventura has become one of my favorite albums of the year so far and is a great return to form. I’ve heard nothing but positive things about his live sets and I’m excited to see the old songs, the new songs and of course .Paak’s outfit. The soulful singing and the drums will carry me into the night and the final headliner beautifully without draining too much energy.

Headliner: Kanye West

Times I’ve seen them: One

Seeing at Boston Calling? no

That’s right. Kanye motherfucking West. The famed and controversial rapper/producer has made countless headlines in the last couple years because of his ties to President Trump. Guess what? I don’t care. Ye and Kids See Ghosts are both amazing albums and you can’t tell me otherwise. He’s still one of the best producers to ever live and can curate the best albums. He can still rap at a high level and no one (that’s no one) has as many good songs as Kanye West. He was going to headline Coachella on Sunday and backed out over a set design dispute. (of course lol) They got Ariana Grande instead. Yawn. (Sorry Ari fans but feel free to @ me because Kanye would have been 8,000 times better) Save the best for last. Kanye West is still my favorite artist of all time and he can close out the Nick Beach festival whenever he wants.

Barely missed the cut: 

Frank Ocean (in the Gambino slot)

DJ Koze (Majid Jordan slot)

Leon Bridges (Anderson .Paak slot)

Bon Iver (Fleet Foxes slot)

Lil Baby (Young Thug slot)

In 2012 I was a freshman in high school and I watched the 8th seeded Philadelphia 76ers beat the top seeded Chicago Bulls in the first round of the NBA playoffs. I lightly followed the Sixers up until this point but when we won that series and eventually lost in game 7 of the conference semis to the Boston Celtics I was hooked forever.

Fast forward to 2018 and my junior year of college. That was the next time I got to watch my Sixers play in the playoffs. Yeah this whole thing called the process where we lost a lot of games and traded a lot of players to accumulate draft picks and contend once we drafted a star or two. You might have heard about it. My team now has Joel Embiid and Ben Simmons, likely for many years to come. After 2018’s defeating loss in the second round to the Celtics in 5 games I felt like we had to get better and go further this year. Last night we lost in game 7 of the same round to the Toronto Raptors on an absolutely inexplicable, quadruple bounce, deep baseline two by Kawhi Leonard as time expired.

Playoff basketball is amazing and every possession means so much more than the regular season, but that doesn’t mean the regular season isn’t fun. My freshman year of college we won 10 games. This year we won 51. In November we traded process heroes Robert Covington and Dario Saric for the controversial Jimmy Butler. Let me tell you this. After watching Butler let guards go right by him to the hoop much of the season while he also saved his much offensive energy for the 4th quarter and yelling at him constantly for being lazy, I fucking love Jimmy Butler. He was almost unstoppable in the playoffs and showed by he’s the brilliant all around player everyone made him out to be. Give him whatever money he wants. In fact, I’ll give him whatever is in my wallet.

In February we traded my college hero at Wichita State Landry Shamet (as well as a first round pick and objective bums Wilson Chandler and Mike Muscala) for then Clippers leading scorer Tobias Harris. While he didn’t play like a superstar in the playoffs, I think he deserves the max. He’s still a big versatile wing and I love his personality. He did a really good job for this team and I think he’ll be back. He’s high on my list of potential Sixers jersey purchases once free agency shakes out so I don’t end up with another Markelle Fultz situation.

There’s also head coach Brett Brown. I love Brett. All the talk about Brett not being a good coach is nonsense. The only coach I can truly say I know is a difference maker in the NBA is Gregg Poppovich. What’s the point of firing the coach who’s been with the process all along and went through all kinds of bs with several front offices only to coach essentially three different teams this year and lose in game 7 by one possession to the unstoppable Kawhi Leonard? Bring back Brett.

So we lost in the second round again? So what? The Eagles lost in the divisional round this past year and much of that season was miserable but when it comes down to it I look back on it positively. I love the Eagles and they were capable of beating anyone last year. I think this Sixers team was too, and they came relatively close. None of the crap NBA Twitter or Celtics homers like Bill Simmons says about this Sixers team is true. This year didn’t have to be Finals or bust. Joel Embiid just played his third season and Ben Simmons played his second. They will get better and figure some things out. The NBA is so talented right now and eventually this team will figure everything out.

Also, sometime around the Tobias trade this year I started listening to the Rights to Ricky Sanchez podcast. It’s a process-themed Sixers podcast hosted by Spike Eskin and Mike Levin and throughout the rest of the season I heard them tell every niche Sixers joke in the book. I laughed after weird losses to the Hawks. I fist pumped to the Run The Jewels outro when we beat the Celtics or the Bucks. I cried legitmate tears of joy today when I heard Mike say “Yeah you know lickface.” after Spike asked him if he was down with TTP one more time after last night’s loss. Those guys showed me after pretty much every game that it’s okay to put your heart and sole into a team and still not come out on top. Sixers media and Twitter is hilarious, so thanks also to them for all the memories. Mostly thanks to Spike and Mike for getting me through the season.

Life is bigger than basketball and the results that come every season on the court. As fun as I have watching games, I still know the NBA Is bullshit and Kevin Durant and Draymond Green are gonna get to lift another trophy. Who cares? I had so much fun watching my team this year and I’ll never forget it. Joel Embiid, Ben Simmons, Jimmy Butler, JJ Redick, Tobias Harris, James Ennis, Mike Scott, Zhaire Smith, TJ McConnell, Boban, Brett Brown and Nick Beach all still know what this team is capable of. Bring them all back. Let’s run it back. Thanks for everything Sixers. Love you forever.